So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize