Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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