Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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