walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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