is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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