do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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