first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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