The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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