from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
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I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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