You're earring is so big in my mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize