I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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