If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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