Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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