I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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