wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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