is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
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I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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