i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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