Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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