FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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