if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize