i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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