I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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