Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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