Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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