the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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