so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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