Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize