Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize