he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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