i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize