I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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