it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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