there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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