This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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