there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize