is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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