Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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