Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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