im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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