Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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