my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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