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no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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