Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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