dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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