I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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