He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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