tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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