We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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