He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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