Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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